Return To School, Part 15

Band Early Week is done. Finally moving into the dorm in less than three hours.

I feel that this could be my year, if ya know what ah mean. ^__^

School starts August 31.

Second Chances, Part II

When you get a second chance, make sure you note every little detail you missed last time. Give a compliment instead of a humourous joke (at their expense, especially not)

And always hope for third chances.

It's like freakin' Deja Vecu here. (accents missing)

Famous People (Precision Guided Humor)

Mail time. Assignment from Dr. Sparks. Check. Steroids from Raffy Palmeiro? Check. Assignment from Harvey? Yep. Here we go. Let's seeeeee what it says.

"Your Precision Guided Humor Assignment this week is to answer the question:

What famous person/people would you demand to speak to, and what would you say to him/her/them?"

Interesting. I suppose he's kinda on a Cindy Sheehan-esque tilt today. I've got quite a few famous people that I would like to demand a meeting with.

1) Ralph Nader: I've seen him speak, and I demand to know how he got to be so nutty. I mean - the marijuana can't do ALL that.

2) Sisqo: I demand to know why you slept with my roommate when I was less than 100 yards away. Seriously.

3) Glenn Reynolds: In 100 words or MORE, how did you get to be so evil?! I'd also get the recipe for those puppy smoothies. I WOULD, however, stay away from the penguin porn.

4) I would ALSO demand a meeting with George W. Bush. I would ask him how he manages to get all those kickbacks to Halliburton ready while only the elite progressive blogosphere even suspects it. I'd also give my props to him for being born in Connecticut and pretending he's not from there. My kind of president.

5) I would demand a meeting with Bill Gates. I despise Microsoft to no end. Unlike with Wal-Mart, I can understand the vitriol hurled at Microsoft.

6) My sixth meet would be with Hugo Chavez. While I wouldn't call for his assassination (unlike some morons, PR), I would certainly kick him where it hurts.

7) I would meet with Simon Carrington (formerly of the King's Singers), and ask him why people who make their living in Connecticut (as he now does) are such a--holes.

Second Chances

Second Chances are rare.

To have a chance to make amends - it's rare.

If you ever find yourself in the exact same situation a second time - even years later - you should take it seriously. It means that it's time to set things right.

PayPal

I don't have a PayPal account

But I just received a charge of $89.97 for it.

Yet I don't have one.

Tips?

August 13

Seems to be quite a debate over the phrase "media whore" in the blogosphere today.

I simply define "media whore" as John McCain. No mix-up there.

School Countdown: 8 days, 15 hours

College!

Oops. I believe I wrote that college starts on August 31st, meaning that I would be away from the internet from the 24th until September 1.

Turns out that school actually begins with "Early Week" for people like me. THAT begins Monday, August 22.

That kinda messes up my hotel plans.

The solution: I'll be away from my computer from August 21 to August 29. But in exchange, I get a 448 kbps connection. That's a big plus.

Filthy Lie Assignment: Evil Glenn + Band Camp = ?

200th Post!

This is my 200th post. Nothing much here, but coming soon:

Bears win 27-24! I started this blog after the football season ended, so now I actually can talk about the Bears. Expect frothing-at-the-mouth if the Patriots and their Bandwagon Fans win another Super Bowl (especially by 3 points)

College is coming soon. Expect more college sports roundups as well.

Speaking of college, I'll keep y'all up-to-date on the hijinks of numerous Campus organizations, including:

College Republicans, College Democrats, The Maryland Cow Nipple* (A newspaper, Harvey), Muslim Women of Maryland (I'm curious to see what this organization stands for, myself), Asian American Student Union (Curious about this one too, but... nevermind), Students Against Occupation (of countries occupied by the US and Israel, of course), College Park Libertarians, Students and Workers Unite! (Yep, you guessed it), League of LGBT and Allied Voters (Allied Voters? WTF?!), Objectivist Club at UMD, Students for Justice in Palestine (to whom Electronic Intifada** is a #1 news source), Students for Genital Integrity (despite your guess, it's an Anti-Circumcision group) Amnesty International at Maryland (Dr. Kim's physics class is like a GULAG), Feminist Activists at Maryland, Students for the Separation of Religion and State, Zionist Organization of America (A bunch of Jooooooos!), The Union of Progressive Zionists (I want to know what this is too) and the Catholic Student Association.***

As you can see, most of those organizations are mutually-exclusive with at least one other group listed. Should be interesting.

Also coming soon:

MORE FILTHY LIES! (there is no assignment this week, but I'll make one up)
More Precision Guided Humor!
The Babaganoosh's Arduous Quest For Work Outside of New England!
More vituperous invective aimed at the city of Boston! (Note from previous post: Boston is a euphemism for "City full of jerks" - therefore "City full of jerks" is a DYSPHEMISM for Boston.
Hot Asian Babes! (Or so I was promised)
More letters to Congress!

I've got "correspondants" (okay, buddies), lined up in Birmingham (UK), Philadelphia, New York City, Maine, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Maryland, Washington D.C, and Virginia.

Here's to 200 more posts. ^_^;;

* If you've ever had the urge to put cownipple.com into your search bar, you end up there.
** Go ahead, search "Electronic Intifada" at LGF and see what comes up.
***Yes, I am a TOTAL link whore for this.

Two Parties

If I've said this once, I've said this a million times, and recent conversations with "progressive" friends only make me feel the need to repeat myself again.

(As a side note, being a resident of CT means 90% of my friends fall left-of-center, and the other 10% are apolitical)

The Republican Party has three parts to it - co-opt a part, and the Democrats would be able to not lose another election. In other words, they would have to toss out the far left, but the center-right bonus would be much greater than the loss.

1. Quit favoring unconditional abortion. There are two parts to this where you don't have to completely forsake your base. You can still BE pro-abortion, but not unconditionally.
A) Quit talking about the constitutional right to privacy (I'm talking to YOU, senator Chris Dodd) or abortion. Regardless of the legality of abortion or not, it's not in there. Overturning Roe v. Wade sends it back to the states. It doesn't make abortion illegal. Even USA Today messed that up (though I hesitate to say the paper deliberately misled readers by writing that overturning Roe would make abortion illegal, the thought crossed my mind) Tell voters that women should be allowed to do what they want with their bodies when it comes to a vote, but don't use the word "Right".
B) Democratic Politicians - give up Dilation & Evacuation/Curretage. For those unfamiliar with this, it is one of the medical terms for partial-birth abortion. This practice is in a word, abhorrent. Medical Science should be looking for an alternative for D&E constantly. The loss of the NOW/NARAL factions who would bolt just because you oppose this is nothing compared to the benefit to be gained.

2. Be Hawkish, but quit saying that we need more troops. When you say "more troops", we think "Draft", and although it was the Democratic Party accusing the President of wanting to reinstate the draft, it was Democratic Congressmen who introduced the bill into committee. Nice try. Point out that the theocratic/fascistic Islamic regimes are persecuting women and gays and blacks. (Darfur, anyone?) As liberals, that's the kind of thing you're supposed to be against. To oppose the war just because you wish a Democrat was in office and getting the props for it is execrable, just as it was in the 1990's. However, I don't remember a documentary being released condemning Bill Clinton and basically sliming the military. Saddam Hussein has probably killed more innocent Muslims than anyone else alive. Don't you take issue with that?

Country loyalty comes before party loyalty, and people on the left have a lot harder time realizing this than people on the right. Instead of having the Democrat's weekly radio address be a strong rebuke to President Bush, have it be a strong rebuke to Iran. Or Saudi Arabia. Or Mauritania. Tell your base "Quit comparing people to Hitler. Leave that invective for the other guys. If you make a "Chimpy 'The Shrub' McHitlerBurton" comment, we have no use for you.

3. This is the most important one, and could probably put a gigantic dent in the Republican party if the Democrats co-opted it. You'll never guess what it is.

Embrace. The. Free. Market.

Yes, I know. It's heresy. Too bad. America is Capitalism is America, and as long as that's the case, we will remain a world power. The road to Socialism and Marxism is a road to a declining society, as the failure to reach replacement birthrates in Europe will attest. The Democrats who approved CAFTA should be commended. The more free the markets, the more free the people. Exporting freedom and capitalism is easily the best thing for the world at large. Take Japan and India, for example. While India is rather socialist, it is easily more capitalist friendly than China or any Sub-Saharan Socialist country. Japan has learned well in the last 60 years and is basically an example of what other countries SHOULD be doing. Except without all the papering over the Rape of Nanking and Getting Nuked stuff, that is.

The Republicans (not Rethugs or Repugs - be civilized) have not exactly been paragons of Fiscal Responsibility lately. The Democrats really never have been - but that can change, of course. And I don't mean pseudo-calculated free-market politcal embracers (Hillary). I mean someone who would tell Bernie Sanders to "shove it" instead of Howard Dean telling us that Sanders is basically "a liberal democrat." Someone who could tell Sanders to "shove it" is a Democrat I could vote for.

Now, if the Democratic Party did all three of these things, it wouldn't look much like the Democratic Party of today, but it would certainly win Congress back as well as the White House. Plus, a Democratic majority in a house of Congress would cause the Republicans to get serious about fiscal responsibility as well, as it did during the 80's to mid-90's.

Two serious parties - it's an ideal worth checking into.

Word of the Day

Dysphemism: n : an offensive or disparaging expression that is substituted for an inoffensive one; "his favorite dysphemism was to ask for axle grease when he wanted butter" [ant: euphemism]

"Screw" Euphemisms - I need to start using these!

Plus it has 5 consonants in a row. Rather impressive.

(h/t: Can't remember which post, but it was in the comments at Volokh)

Islamo-Fascism Comes To Mauritania

Well this is just wonderful.

Mauritania is a key location in Africa because it borders both Mali and Senegal, which are two of the most free countries in all of Africa (and majority Moslem, showing that yes, Islam is compatible with Democracy). Giving Islamo-fascism a leg up in either of those two countries would be rather disasterous.

And yes, the former ruler of Mauritania was authoritarian, yet this new junta may become totalitarian - a step up the ladder.

By the way, how are those other countries led by military juntas doing?
Sudan. Check.
Burma. Check.

Okay. Not looking good.

Taiwan Rules

And Japundit is officially a daily read.

Hurricane Harvey would be proud.

I Hate The Sporting News

You'll never guess which city won their "Best Sports City" award this year.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

BOSTON!

I just pray that one day, the people who run ESPN and who run the Sporting News take their lips off the rear end of the Bostonians. Be it the Terriers at BU, or the Boston Red Sox fans, or the Patriots Bandwagon Jumpers, I have yet to find a Bostonian who has not pissed me off in some way, shape, or form.

"What right do you have to come here and root against our team?" (Heard at a BU hockey game)

I suppose the only other alternative was "New York/New Jersey/Long Island". In case you forgot that New Jersey was a city or something.

PC Gone Wild Again

The NCAA has officially banned Indian mascots during the postseason.

1) Why only the postseason? If something is offensive during the postseason, isn't it offensive during the rest of the year?

2) If you're going to do it, this should apply to other races - not just Indians. But the NCAA continues to kiss the ass of Notre F*cking Dame.

3) Starting in 2008, this will apply to cheerleaders and marching band uniforms as well. Oh no you don't. No one messes with the band and gets away with it, NCAA. You won't be allowed to forget this disaster.

4) There should REALLY be a team called the Fightin' Whiteys. Juss' sayin.

5) FSU should give the finger to the NCAA. Leave the ACC, to boot and ruin the whole football championship thing.

Rockies Win!

6 to 4 victory over the abysmal Diamondbacks.

NL West:
Team: Record GB

San Diego: 54-55 ---
Arizona: 53-58 2.0
Los Angeles: 49-60 5.0
San Francisco: 47-61 6.5
Colorado: 40-68 13.5

The worst non-strike playoff team since 1900? The 1973 New York Mets, who went 82-79. The Rockies are closer to their division lead than the Minnesota Twins are. Now, I have no illusions about the Rockies somehow pulling off a division victory, but I don't think fourth place is out of the question.

They were 7-34 on the road before the All-Star Break. Since the All-Star Break, they are 6-7. If they had played .461 ball on the road before the break, they would be 52-56. That would put them 1.5 games out.

Most likely, it would put them in the division lead, seeing as several of their 1st half road losses came against division foes. The NL West is bad, but it isn't THAT bad.

Delayed Reaction Punch!

If you're a longtime reader, you may remember that I wrote a letter to my congressman, Rob Simmons (R-CT, 2nd) on March 31.

If you're not, then here is the entry.

I said I was going to be waiting, but I did not expect a lag time of four months.

Except the question wasn't answered - though he did discuss his recent "triumphs" (I put that in parenthesis, as what he sees as triumphs reflect his own views, of course) Most of it, in fact is the automated letter on his newslist.

1. He mentions the base closing commission's visit to the Groton Sub Base. (I mentioned I live in the area before, I assume). Deadlines to look towards - August 24 and September 8. I'll be going back to school on August 31, so I won't be here for that one.

2. The highway bill. Rep. Simmons is the only Connecticut congressman on the committee. Here's what the bill entails:

The bill protects Connecticut’s federal highway and transit funds and provides nearly $56 million in critical dollars for important projects throughout the Second District like $14.4 million toward the completion of Route 11, $7.5 million to improve traffic congestion along Interstate 95 and millions more for dozens of other important projects throughout the region.

Is that good for Connecticut? Yeah it's good for Connecticut! And of course, as we all know, what's good for Connecticut is usually bad for the rest of the United States. It's a pork bill. But it will regain support for him in the district. But re point 1 - if the base is closed, he's cooked.

3. National Energy Bill: "To this end, Congress has passed a national energy bill that provides nearly $4 billion for fuel-cell technology, allowing Connecticut to remain on the cutting edge of alternative fuel development and maintain its reputation as the "fuel-cell capital of the world." I didn't know we were fuel-cell capital of the world. I suppose now that we aren't the submarine capital of the world, we gotta have something.

4. "What’s more, the new energy law does not provide liability protection for producers of MTBE, does not allow drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and gives the state of Connecticut control of the Cross Sound Cable." - *Smacks forehead twice*

5. "Making Health Care More Affordable: Rising malpractice insurance premiums continue to take a toll on Connecticut’s hospitals, small businesses and working families." - Compromise bill. Sheesh. I think the surprise of the base closing hit Rep. Simmons hard.

Jane Fonda Urinal Stickers?

Bloggrandfather Harvey discusses them here.

My father is not yet 50, and was too young to serve in Viet Nam. However, he works with many fellows in their upper 50s to late 60s who did just that. This post reminded me of an anecdote.

When I was 9 or 10, I was with my father visiting one of his friend's house. I think they were fixing a shed, or something - I think the guy's name was Bart... but I'm not sure. But we were all inside waiting for the rain to let up, and my father and the man were having a conversation, and the news was on in the background. Eventually, there was a story on Jane Fonda, and Bart basically... lost it. He began screaming about "That traitor", "That bitch shoulda been strung up and hung", "My buddies and I woulda strangled that f****ng **nt!" et cetera. I remember it being vaguely surreal, but I haven't seen the guy since.

I was told in mid-2004 that the guy still works in the same building as my dad, but in a different department. Apparently one day, he had the same reaction when somebody mentioned John Kerry. Didn't serve with him, but he did donate 50 bucks to the Swift Boat Vets. Interesting guy. Would like to talk to him again now that I actually understand what the hell he was talking about back when I was a kid.

Almost College Time Again

NIT lawyer accuses NCAA of violating antitrust laws

Hey - the NIT had Maryland last year - what more can you ask for?

Sadly, the NIT has lost so much of its luster over the past 40 years that it would be impossible for athletes to see it as anything more than the second-tier show, like the Smackdown! to the NCAA's Monday Night Raw, except without the wrestling.

" After featuring many of the best basketball programs in the 1940s and 1950s, the NIT faded in importance because it agreed in 1962 to let the NCAA choose teams for its tournament first, he said."

If that's true, then... well, sorry NIT - it's your own fault for doing something that stupid. That's like getting involved in a Land War in Asia, or a battle with a Sicilian when death is on the line or letting John McCain go first on a deal involving campaign finance reform... I could go on and on, but that was a really stupid agreement to make.

But if they're banking on a Bryant University (RI) repeat to the NCAA Division II title game, then I will tell you that they've got another thing coming.

The UNternet (Precision Guided Humor)

...I awoke at the computer desk. I had evidently fallen asleep while perusing the right-of-center blogs in my own special little echo-chamber. Little did I know that during my snooze, that the UN had engineered an immediate takeover of the internet.

As usual, I typed Google into my address bar for my daily search. Instead, I ended up here. Extremely confused, I turned to MSNBC. It had been replaced with a page similar to the first one, except there were English captions for numerous phrases.

"KOFI IS TEH 1337!"
"Cotecna WUZ here, beeyotches"
"DEATH TO THE INFIDELS AND JOHN BOLTON'S INFIDEL WALRUS MOUSTACHE!"
"8/6/05! 8 + 6 + 5 = 19! Code of the Qu'ran! America shall have its own Hiroshima!"
"Jooooooooooooos!"
"Neil Cavuto has a big-ass head"
"They Call Me Tater Salad"
"America Shall Have All Its Puppies Blended By The Merciful Allah"
"All Your Internets Are Belong to US UN!"

At this juncture, I had had enough, and typed Fox News into my address bar. What I got in return absolutely stunned me.

Absolutely no information whatsoever about Natalee Holloway. Something had taken over the internet and completely turned things around. Then it hit me - Evil Glenn The United Nations!

My next instinct was to check Instapundit. It had apparently been bought to the tune of nearly 150 million dollars! It had become the Kofipundit. Kofi's first post went something along the lines of... well, something like this. Yeah - it was THAT bizarre.

Right when I thought I had seen it all, I was bombarded with popups. They had removed my Firefox browser and replaced it with Internet Explorer! And the popups. Ad for bigger genitalia. Check. Ad for my mortgage. Double-check. Pre-Steroid Test Rafael Palmeiro Viagra Ad. Check. Ad for Zionism-Is-Racism. Che-what? I immediately drafted a letter to my senior senator, Christopher Dodd, about this obvious breach of the Constitution's Privacy Clause. Unfortunately, when I tried to send it, I received a message telling me my message could not be sent.

"Criticizing the UNternet is forbidden speech. La crítica del UNternet es discurso prohibido. La critique de la UNternet est discours interdit. Das UNternet zu kritisieren ist verbotene Rede. Рецензировать интернет будет запрещенной речью. 한국 아기는 극단적으로 화려하 간다."

Now, I'm not sure if those four translations were accurate or not, but I assumed they were. I was getting ready for drastic action - so I checked out Samizdata and once again was redirected to the UN home page. If they were able to take out Samizdata, there would be no telling what other things they would be able to accomplish.

Then, as per the norm in these situations, I woke up shuddering at my computer desk, and quickly moved to Instapundit. Still normal. Thank goodness. Unless you're a puppy, that is.

UNternet Delenda Est!