Friday, June 24, 2005


If you can guess our 5 (count 'em, 5) POTD winners today, then you win nothing.

John Paul Stevens
Anthony Kennedy
David H. Souter
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
and Stephen G. Breyer.

What a shock. No, seriously. It's that living document thing again. Bush needs to go on TV and condemn this ruling about twice a week for the next six months. Then again, he probably supports the decision.

Here's the headline from The Day, our local paper.
Here's the ruling itself.


And for your humor pleasure, here's a quote from John Kerry taken from the Karl Rove flap:
"...don't dare question the patriotism of Americans who offer a better direction."

We don't question the patriotism of Americans who offer a better direction. Here's the problem - your direction isn't better. If you recall, over 60 million people decided that. It's why you're not at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, buddeh.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Class of 2005

My best friend graduated from high school today. (I'm a year older than he is). The commencement speaker for the ceremony was Connecticut Secretary of State Susan Bysiewicz. (That should tell you where I live).

Bysiewicz stressed the importance of voting and democracy, as well as the sacrfices the armed forces have made since 9/11. She repeatedly mentioned how great the military, and our veterans were. She even "gasp" mentioned spreading democracy and freedom/

Many in the audience came away annoyed, because they felt the speech was too "openly-pro-invasion" and "too political", as well as "not appropriate" with several people even muttering that she was "Working for nothing but the military recruiters". Now, I really can't argue with the point of inappropriateness, as this was a commencement speech. BUT:

Susan Bysiewicz is a Democrat.

A Democrat leads a 1000+ crowd into a round of applause for the military. A Democrat thanks the veterans for their sacrifices. And the populace of Connecticut, which is extremely liberal - basically denounces her for it. And this is a navy town for crying out loud. Maybe they're still miffed at the base closing. Not that they cared about it before "Bush decided to close it down for revenge since Connecticut voted for Kerry" (actual quote) But I digress.

The Democratic Party needs help. While I disagree with Secretary of State of CT Bysiewicz on issues of policy, she at least still admits to being proud to be an American. Why can't we get that from the rest of them?

You know, instead of comparing soldiers to Nazis or the Khmer Rouge or something. Not that anyone's ever done anything that rash.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Well, If A Causes B...

We all know that giving a 12-year-old a handgun equips him to be a vicious killer.

We all know that giving a 12-year-old a cigarette equips him to be a victim of Big Tobacco and Lung Cancer and Smoking

We all know that giving a 12-year-old a condom equips him to start having se... wait... it doesn't? According to who? Okay. Whatever you say, public school system. I believe you. I especially believe that you're not doing this to increase future head counts in any way, shape or form either.

*insert cringe here*

In The News?

Steroid may prevent miscarriages
Combined with Bad Example, pregnancies now deemed "unstoppable"

Troubled EU leaders to meet Bush
"Troubled", "EU leaders" declared redundant.
(Note the caption for that BBC picture about improved relations - won't hear THAT from NYT)

Vibration engineers feel the rock
No comment necessary
Okay, okay. The Rock perturbed. Extremely perturbed.

Aruba Suspect's Dad Grilled
Joran Van Der Sloot confused for Johan "Goldmember" Van Der Smut.
(Sadly, I actually did just that when the story first broke)

Four Arrested at Cruise Premiere
12-year old girls sentenced to house arrest - at Cruise's house.

Sen. Robert C. Byrd Laments KKK Connection
60 years after the fact, of course.

Votes counted in key Bissau poll
Christine Gregoire declared winner

Not that many humourous headlines today, it looks like. Ah well... it'll average itself out by Friday.

As for my brother, he returned from the hospital 16 hours after surgery. He's fine.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

And You Thought That It Was Time

Right when I'm about to get back into the swing of things, I strain something in my left arm. This is followed up eight hours later by my younger brother being rushed to the hospital for an emergency appendectomy while I pulled an emergency ride over to a concert that we were both supposed to play in. You know - same ol', same ol'. And if you think it's heartless that I went to a performance instead of accompanying him to the hospital, just know that he tried to delay the surgery until after the concert and demanded that I go and perform regardless. Sheesh.

If you read my previous post with future predictions, you would have immediately noticed that "Emergency Surgery" was not listed. I never said I was a soothsayer. Well, actually I did once, but that's another story for another time.

In other news, I rented Dan Simmons' Ilium from my local library. Yes, the same book that was mentioned on Puppypundit. Most of it was quite good, though I would appreciate less "sex" scenes. Felt like I was reading a hastily-thrown-together harlequin romance novel at some points. Not that I know what reading that is like. Overall though, I liked it. I had to stifle a smile when the characters from Shakespeare's The Tempest were introduced though - it reminded me of the time our local theatre group did the show. But I digress. The sequel's supposedly due out next month - the sequel to Ilium, not The Tempest, of course. The new book is called Olympos (only 576 pages).

So is Harry Potter 6, for that matter. (672 pages, according to Amazon)

Don't deny it. You know you'll end up reading it.

Also love the Episode III soundtrack.
Sic Semper Tyrannus! Or was it Dooku? Ugh. Stupid 4:15 AM puns.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

POTD! ^-^

I don't know when this happened, but whoever decided to rearrange has just been awarded the POTD award for 06/18/05. Now my 56k connection can't handle the freakin' site anymore. Thanks a whole lot, CNET.

I really hope I don't have to hand out this award any time soon - but I just get that FEELING.

After Gitmo... Then What? (Precision Guided Humor)

After 5 weeks of being "embedded in no-computatorial land", I finally received a mission statement from Alliance Headquarters. Harvey and GEBIV have a new task at hand. Here is what the statement said:

"Senator Dick Durbin noted the mild inconveniences that terrorists have been suffering at the Guantanamo Bay (Gitmo) detention facility and compared these "torturings" to Nazi concentration camps, Soviet Gulags, and the Killing Fields of Cambodia...

So, your Precision Guided Humor Assignment this week is to answer the question:

What would we do with the terrorist detainees if Dick Durbin got his wish and we shut down Gitmo?"

I'm going to keep this short.

Well, this was an issue where even the Democratic Party had ideas. Nancy Pelosi suggested Candy Land, whereas Ted Kennedy went so far as to suggest Pawtucket Pat's Pawtucket Patriot Brewery in Quahog, Rhode Island. Thankfully and shockingly, John McCain was able to come up with a compromise that involved the media fawning over him.

And so the "Activists" and "Insurgents" at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, were transferred here, leaving the rest of Cuba to continue its role of "Supporting Accessory to Gulag of our Times".

As for the prisoners... well...

Let's just say that they had to be transferred again once the terrorists replaced Suicide bombings with "Blueberry-Flavored" Suicide Bombings. Of course - no one was killed. But a lot of Qu'rans (is that how that's spelt in plural?) got covered in blueberry ooze, causing the Loony Leftie wing of the Democratic Party (and everyone's favorite Specter not in jail, Arlen Specter) to campaign for the closing of "Camp Slick Willy". The name certainly didn't help.

After that?

They had two choices. They either had to fix all the plot holes in the six Star Wars movies before the uber-DVD release... OR they had to work in the UN building cleaning up Kofi's paper trail. Now THAT is torture!

Friday, June 17, 2005

Work of Fiction - Part II

Part I

I met her three years ago. We hit it off on the wrong foot immediately. It turned out that we already had sixteen or seventeen mutual friends between us, but that certainly changed over time. I think it was a misunderstanding on her part that set us off. From what I had gathered over the last three years, she thought I was hitting on her, whereas I had not yet developed an attraction to anyone. She quickly turned two of our friends against me, and I did likewise. Of course, this was nothing compared to what would happen that spring.

Work of Fiction - Part I

A work of fiction. The two paragraphs are exactly 100 words. I don't know how people do this - but then again, I do have a big problem with keeping my mouth shut regardless.
One year ago today, a girl in my school wrote in my senior yearbook that I would never be able to get her out of my head. Okay - her exact words were that something she did would “stay in [my] head for the rest of [my] life.”

This girl had only recently become my friend, and for years was a bitter enemy of mine. In the past, I had nothing but contempt for her - but now that was behind us. Playfully, I laughed off her warning. A year later, I’m writing this, stunned that she may in fact, be right.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

May 9 - June 17

Timeline of Events: (Warning - Harsh Language Due To No Blogging For 5 Weeks)

05/01/05 - My first computer incident. I wrote about it that day. Also the day I spilled root beer on the fridge.

05/07/05 - My second computer incident. This was the last day the power cord stayed in for any significant length of time.

05/09/05 - I smell smoke coming out of my computer. My last blog post, if I recall correctly.

05/10/05 - Fire begins coming out of my computer's power cord area. I quickly smother it. Not cool. I don't touch the computer for the next two days.

3:42 AM: My 19th birthday - Oh, joyous day... yeah - right.
12:30 PM: I get the announcement that the Groton Naval Base, which is not where either of my parents are employed but is responsible for about 90% of the profits both of them make at their jobs, is being shut down.
9:16 PM: My computer once again catches fire and ends up being down to 2% battery power. I try using another person's battery to send my files to myself, but to no avail - I put mine back in.

12:10 AM: The inside of my computer literally explodes, causing no injury, but does cause my heart to beat at the rate of approximately 220 - 230 beats a minute for a short time period (I have supraventral tachycardia, so a beat of 180 to 190 is something I know - but this was insane.) It also wakes up half the floor.
2:45 AM: I receive a mysterious phone call from a girl in Colorado Springs. Perhaps she forgot that I had a final exam in the morning and that it was 2:45.
1:30 PM: My first final exam. I wake up at 1:15, but luck out as complete strangers offer to give me a ride as I am wearing a shirt with the logo of their (and my) favorite pro football team. Yowzers.

05/19/05 - Done with final exams, I await my parents to come pick me up from the University on the 22nd. (Ickle Firsties aren't allowed to have cars on campus, you see) Oh yeah - plus Saddam Hussein in his underwear.

05/22/05 - I am indeed picked up. I arrive back in Connecticut, where it rains the entire way home. When I do arrive home, I find our computer is in disarray. Crap.

05/24/05 - "Gang of 14" reaches Filibuster Compromise. This does nothing to change my position that John McCain is an asshat worthy of winning the newly minted "Prick of the Day" award. No offense to the Coalition of the Chillin' - it's only "Maverick" McCain getting the award today. I wonder if I get to hand out the award tomorrow.

05/25/05 - Just my luck. Amnesty International calls Guantanamo Bay "The Gulag of our times". The Babaganoosh calls Amnesty International "The Pricks of the day". It rains again for the fourth consecutive day.

05/28/05 - It rains again. Seven consecutive days in which it has rained for at least one hour.

05/31/05 - It does not rain. This breaks the streak of nine consecutive days in which it rains (and thunders) for at least one hour - the longest such streak I can recall since Hurricane Bob in 1991 and perhaps longer than that.

06/01/05 - Evil Glenn blends his 616,000th puppy. I don't know what significance this holds, but I'm sure it is something. I also join the local community band for the next month.

06/02/05 - I find out I failed Chemistry. (Failing in the sense that I need a C to pass) and need to take it at the local college in the summer. Class begins third week of July.

06/13/05 - Jackson innocent. 12 "Pricks of the Day" awards handed out. One specifically given to little boy by Jackson himself. Did I say that out loud? And I consider myself an 80's Jackson fan. Sheesh. Jackson celebrates by going to DisneyLand. I did it again.

06/15/05 - The computer begins working again after being to numerous shops. The first thing I do is download Mozilla Firefox. You can't spell asshole without A. O. L. (In case you didn't know that, it's your fact for the day)

06/16/05 - I begin commenting to blogs again (such as Oddybobo's mu nu address), and the Rockies lose again. Then again, I could have added THAT comment to any of these other days. (They're 21-43 now, after being swept by my parents' hometown Indians. Oy vey.)

06/17/05 - I post again, both here and at It's A Pundit. Oh... that's right - I don't post there - only various personae of the good Doctor do. XD

And three for the future:

06/21/05 - My best friend's graduation. I laugh at him for he is still in high school. Ha. Ha. My younger brother is a year younger than him and will be graduating in June 2006. I don't remember when he was born (I wasn't even two), but my parents' sure do, and all his baby pictures are randomly appearing throughout the house. And the grad party? No kegs, honestly.

July 2005: Acidman from Gut Rumbles will piss off one of his readers by stating the obvious, and Laurence Simon from IFOC will say 35 things that my parents find utterly tasteless that I laugh at. Okay, that's a given. I can't believe I lived without those blogs for five weeks.

The Year 2082 - ESPN finally realizes that there are other teams in baseball besides the Red Sox, Yankees, and Cubs. The Cubs still haven't won a world series. (Nor have the Rockies) The Yankees payroll is $14.5 billion dollars, the Red Sox is $14.1 billion, and the third highest is $4 billion. The Red Sox complain about the Yankees buying up all the good players, of course. Whiny socialist SOBs. Ted Kennedy's corpse is re-elected again.

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