Saturday, April 30, 2005

Call Me A Heretic

But I liked the Hitchhiker's movie. Not nearly as good as the books, but I thought it was better than the last movie I saw in theaters, the Life Aquatic (or whatever that was called).

One thing it needed: More fjords.

I'm re-reading the books again. I'll start "So Long and Thanks For All The Fish" in the mornin'.

See ya'll in May. ^-^

From Togo

"I can't say I'm surprised."

Friday, April 29, 2005

Today In History:

On this day in history:

1789: The first presidential inauguration. Some guy named George W. sworn into office.

1945: Hitler commits suicide in his bunker. The world rejoices. Except for Japan, who is then nuked several months later.

1956: My father is born. He is 49 years old today. Happy birthday!

1975: Saigon falls and South Vietnam surrenders. More can be found here. I hope Jane Fonda feels good about herself today.

2005: Somewhere, someone in the blogosphere goes "Heh."

DU T-Shirt Caption Contest!

This is too good to pass up.

Image hosted by
Image hosted by
Image hosted by
Image hosted by
Image hosted by
Image hosted by
Image hosted by
Image hosted by

Sadly, these will NOT be on sale at your nearest DU store any time soon.

Continuing Stupidity


Chesterfield County, VA has banned prayers at their county board meetings by a Wiccan witch, claiming that only prayers in the Judeo-Christian tradition are allowed under county rules. The witch has sued, but an appeals court upheld the county's policy.
Is Chesterfield County Right To Ban Witches From Giving The Invocation At Government Events?
Yes. America is a Judeo-Christian nation and we should protect our culture.
No. This is an assault on freedom of religion.

If you couldn't guess, I cast my vote for "No. This is an assault on freedom of religion." Why? Because this is a government board we're talking about. How can only Judeo-Christian prayers be allowed in the county? That has to violate some sort of rule... I'll take a guess that some of the more libertarian readers can guess which rule that is.

Now, if this were a private organization saying that they preferred Judeo-Christian prayer during their meetings, that would be acceptable, but this is the government, where your tax dollars are going.

To make matters worse, this will certainly be made part of HWWNBN's Theocracy Watch. So come on, conservatives - can you really stand for this from your government? What happens when Liberals get into office and proclaim that only Wiccans themselves are allowed to pray at these meetings? You'd be offended, and rightly so. I hate using the shoe-on-the-other-foot argument, but it works to show you how ridiculous this actually is.

Thursday, April 28, 2005


"I believe in science... don't you want a president that believes in science? Believing in God is a great tool, but he can't just sit there and not give any money to sciences. I mean, you're majoring in science - how can you agree with that position?"

Simple answer: If people want the science done, they'll pay for it themselves. If President Bush wants to subsidize scientific research, then where will the money come from (see mission to Mars, et cetera)?

"Would you give up your favorite government program if it meant you never had to pay income tax again?"
Conservative Answer: Yes!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Will The Memes Never End? Of Course Not.

moehawk tagged me with the "Turd In A Punchbowl" meme

Turd In A Punchbowl
Someone Dropped Their Pants
Turd In A Punchbowl
Reminds Me of France.

UPDATE (5:15 PM): If you were actually bored enough to scroll down the entire sidebar, you'll see that I FINALLY managed to get the Andrew Sullivan Freak Out Advisory System to not screw everything up.

Current Status: Severe/Red Alert/Filled With Heart-Ache (Gob-Smackingly Vile)

Is heart-ache really hyphenated?

Not To Jump On The Attack, But

Why does the image search of Pope Benedict XVI get only 4 results on Google, with none of them actually being a picture of the guy, whereas a search amongst Altavista's images nets me nearly 1000 results, the first 20 at least all being relevant? The Google needs to pick up their slack, and not just on the Google News department either.

On an even more disturbing note, searching Google images for Pope Kofi (no quotes amongst any of these), nets me 11 results, one of which is fairly odd. That's nearly 3 times the amount for Pope Benedict XVI, people.

Why am I doing this? I'm bored and my IMAO t-shirt isn't in the mail yet. April 29 my pinky toe!

I wonder what Pope Glenn Reynolds will get me on google...

UPDATE: 1 result.

UPDATE II: And if you're curious to see if "Pope Benedict" or "Pope Benedict 16" get results, at least on the first page, I checked. They don't. At least not of the former Joseph Ratzinger, anyway. I guess he's just too Catholic.

Update III: Nothing for Pope Benedetto either.

Update IV: Yes, Cardinal Ratzinger brings results, but I needed a picture in his papal garb. I half expected Pope Nazi to give me a result for him. It didn't. Then I would have been completely suspicious instead of only slightly so.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

The Tolerance Tests!

Just as I promised. The Implicit Association Tests (which, judging by the standards they use, are not very scientific at all, but that's just me - press a button quick or else you're wrong!)

The website is here:

Test 1: Gender/Science IAT - I have a moderate association between science and males relative to females. Larry Summers would be PROUD.

Test 2: Asian IAT - The result was inconclusive. The program says I made too many errors, but I bet it was because I was white and it revealed a positive bias towards Asians. It could not compute a white person who did not hate everyone of a different skin color and thus malfunctioned.

Test 3: The Race IAT - Note that the "Asian IAT" has nothing to do with race. That's Harvard for you. Once again, it was inconclusive. "Malfunction, nalfunction!"

Test 4: The 2004 Presidential Candidates IAT - I have a slight automatic preference for Bush over Kerry. Only slight? What the? I've dishonored the family.

Test 5: Religion IAT - My data suggests a strong preference to Judaism OVER other religions. That's surprising, coming from the IAT. Does this make me a neo-con? Sweet.

The Google Jedi Mind Trick

Okay, so are you looking for an MP3 file you just can't find? Well, search no more.

Type this string into Google.

-inurt:htm -inurt:html intitle:"index of" mp3 [song or author]

Where you just replace [song or author] with whatever you're looking for. (No brackets necessary, but "index of" must be in quotes)

(h/t, "Freddy Krueger")

UPDATE: (by the way, this post is staying at the top for today, so you might want to scroll down and check for new posts)

I Should Probably Never Move To Britain

If this is any indication.

(via Blimpish) (who I found via the Unpopulist) (which I discovered via Sobek)


(Part IV of the Kerry 180-Blogburst Saga)
Day 86: Just think - there are kids almost three months old born after John Kerry promised, on live yadda yadda yadda yadda... E-mail the senator and tell him to sign!

I personally blame polipundit for actually paying attention and having someone watch Tim Russert.

Here's the list. I'm sure it's been updated:
And Rightly So! Atlas Shrugs Balance Sheet Cao's Blog Cathouse Chat Civil Issues Conservative Friends Euphoric Reality Flight Pundit House Of Wheels International House of Conservatism Jay Howard Smith Kender's Musings My Vast Rightwing Conspiracy NIF PBSWatcher Pirate's Cove Private Radio Progressive Conservatism Ravings Of A Mad Tech Rottweiler Puppy Something...and Half of Something Stop the ACLU The Babaganoosh The Creative Conservative The Dark Citadel The Sunnyeside Of Life Uncle Jack Villainous Company Web-Nuts Where's Your Brain?

Monday, April 25, 2005

A Bad Example?!

In my haste, I had not even noticed that Blogmother Oddybobo, and by extent, myself, had been inducted into the Bad Example Family Tree. Wow. It seems as though every time I STOP blogging for three days, I get a link, and there are no new posts for visitors to see. For this special occasion, I shall now go do the Filthy Lie Assignment for this week. Even better, I shall do as Harvey says on IMAO and take the test to find out how "Diversariffic" I am. Ooh-rah!

Thanks, bloggranddad! ^-^
And you too, blogmommeh. XD (Okay, enough with the absurd smileys)

UPDATE: Apparently, I am ranked #2 on Google for "We Hate Humanity". Very strange. Related to newfound Bad-example-dom? You be the judge.

Evil Glenn At BlogNashville (A Filthy Lie)

(Part IX of the Evil Glenn Saga)

Now, I've never been to Nashville, but this BlogNashville thing seems like a neat thing to cover. And cover it I shall. Well, I shalln't (shant?), but I'll send my trusty reporter and recently American-ized buddy Dawn to report for me. Just because I can have an original character of a different gender means nothing. She's not exactly original anyway - like an amalgamation of a couple classmates from back home. Stop laughing.

But anyway, I gave her a list of questions (and Glizzenn helped too), and paid for the airfare from Ronald Reagan, and she was off. On May 10, I received the clipboard back. Here's what it said.

Question 1: How do you react to the failure of your baseball league?
Evil Glenn: I was... chagrined. No... appalled. Maybe shocked, perhaps nauseated.

Question 2: What did you spend your tax rebate on?
Evil Glenn: A blender, duh. Next question.

Question 3: What did you do with the Good Glenn of Instapundit?
Evil Glenn: I can either refer you to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or Silence of the Lambs.

Question 4: Moving on... what allows you to blog at such an amazing pace?
Evil Glenn: You should know the answer to that.

Question 5: Whatever happened to Tom DeLay?
Evil Glenn: I crucified him for my black mass.

Question 6: Wait... what?

Question 7: What do you think about Nashville?
Evil Glenn: It's a very nice city. I must say though, there are NOT enough homeless people here. It's really quite depressing.

Question 8: Wuzzadem?
Evil Glenn: It's a silly little thing that thinks Howard Dean is the answer to something.

Question 9: What is the answer then?
Evil Glenn: 42. You should know that as well.

Question 10: Will you sign my chest?
Evil Glenn: Are you over 18?

Question 11: Um... yeah, why?
Evil Glenn: This guy will.

Question 12: I hear he likes whipped cream. Do you like whipped cream?
Evil Glenn: Please tell me that YOU came up with that question and not your Babaganoosh buddy.

Question 13: Actually, that was Glizzenn's. But back to the point - what's the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Evil Glenn: 42 meters a second. Tell Glizzenn I shall rip out his circuits.

Question 14: Glizzenn is a robot?!
Evil Glenn: Of course Glizzenn is a robot. What did you think he was - a real boy?

Question 15: Why have you not yet bowed down to the Overlord of the Blog Dodecahedron?
Evil Glenn: One more smart-ass question like that and I'll be forced to do something not nice.

Question 16: What is the most enjoyable class you've ever taught?
Evil Glenn: Law 316 - How to not get sued for Blending Your Neighbor's Puppies.

Question 17: Is Michael Jackson guilty?
Evil Glenn: Is the Pope Catholic?

Question 18: I dunno. I heard from the Washington Post he was a Socialist.
Evil Glenn: The Washington Post is full of ninnies. That's not even a question, either.

Question 19: Is there any person with a home you would like to kill?
Evil Glenn: Anyone and everyone, but especially that Constantine guy from American Idol.

Question 20: He's so dreamy. Is there anything you regret?
Evil Glenn: Not putting postage on this clipboard that I'm mailing back along with this note saying that I've taken your reporter hostage again, you stupid Noosh.

Well, crap. I don't even know where he's headed after he leaves BlogNashville now.

Musings Unlike No Others


I wasn't included in the Updated Alliance Blogroll, despite my 8-part filthy lie saga in recent months (not to mention the Logo and Glenn Quote). I could have sworn I sent the e-mail in. It saddens me. *sniffle* I have added the official Alliance Blogroll, however.

Not saddening me is the fact that today, April 25, is my last chemistry lab EVER. EVER. As in, for the rest of my life, I will never have to do any Inorganic Chemistry Laboratories AGAIN. You have no idea of the rejoicement, although I'll admit that's not a word.

Note the name change. I've ditched the possessive, though you'll find me at this web address for the forseeable future because I'm MT-illiterate. Also - the background color seems to have changed. I dunno why.

Rockies took 2 of 3 from the Thong Pirates Bill Clinton's Draft Plan Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Dodgers. I have no idea how that occurred. The Bulls took game 1 from the Washington Bullets Wizards today. (They'll ALWAYS be the bullets to me). Excellent. And they didn't even need the tuck rule. (Sorry, Pats' fans bandwagoners)

In the Mail: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (all 5 books in the trilogy). I've read it numerous times but have never actually OWNED a copy. This'll fix that. Also coming soon - the IMAO UN t-shirt.

I miss hockey, but I still think that if your city does not see snow on a regular basis, then you should not have a hockey team (I'm looking at you, defending champion Tampa Bay). On second thought, let's just make it so anyone below either the Mason-Dixon line or the 36-3o line (whichever one is farther south) can't have a hockey team.

I really like the strikethrough tool. It's nifty spiffy cool.

School gets out somewhere between May 17 and May 22. That's less than a month away!

April 30: 30th anniversary of the fall of Saigon. March in DC. Still may go.
May 14: Muslims against Terror rally in DC. Not Muslim. Still may go.

I wasn't too enamored with the selection of Joseph Ratzinger Pope Benedict XVI (he is Pope now, after all), at first, but then my younger brother showed me the way to go. "Anyone who the New York Times and Washington Post don't like is someone you probably should." Agreed. Long live Benedict XVI!

I do believe tomorrow is Blogburst 180 Tuesday. It seems childish, but then again, so am I.

Have Republicans pulled the Nuclear Constitutional De-Filibusterational Option yet? I thought Bill Frist was a doctor... can't he install himself a spine or something?

Final Note: If you teach at Abraham Lincoln High School, corner of Ryan and Rowland avenues, zip code 19135 (that's Philly for the unfamiliar), then I am watching you. You have been warned, but can still enjoy the baba gannouj.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

If I Could Be...

Well, I've been out sick (4/20), with a crashed computer (4/21), and studying for an exam (4/22) - but now I'm here, and I see that I've been tagged with a meme. Sounds like a plan... except instead of answering 5, I'll answer all of them, just to give me an opportunity to write an incredibly lengthy post. Thanks, moehawk!

If I could be a scientist... I would be a neuropsychologist, and find out what makes people have the urge to blog.
If I could be a farmer... I would be paid by the government not to plant crops
If I could be a musician... I would be a trumpet player in a Philharmonic
If I could be a doctor... I would be a neurologist, because I love studying the human brain
If I could be a painter... I would be someone who painted important things, like buildings.
If I could be a gardener... I would have green thumbs, of course.
If I could be a missionary... I would NOT go to proselytize cannibals, as missionaries seem to be apt to do.
If I could be a chef... I would actually post in the carnival of recipies
If I could be an architect... I'd have to be a lot more creative
If I could be a linguist... I would have a very cushy job.
If I could be a psychologist... I would again, be a neuropsychologist.
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete... I would be leading the Rockies to an 11-5 record instead of a 5-11 one. (I could say the same for the Bears...)
If I could be a lawyer... I would defend against class-action lawsuits and blend puppies. I hear that's 50 percent of the Tennessee Bar Exam.
If I could be an innkeeper... I would make my inn look like it was from a Video game RPG or something...
If I could be a professor... I would call the AFT a bunch of "Little Andropovs" and see how quickly it takes me to get fired. I would also blend puppies. I hear it's part of the PRAXIS exam in one particular state.
If I could be a superhero... I'd be immigration dude... and get sued by the ACLU.
If I could be a writer... I would write happy stories where the "goth" kids realize how they're all conforming to each other and actually quit being so f*cking cynical. We need more of those stories.
If I could be a llama-rider... I already am. Next question?
If I could be a bonnie pirate... I would market my own line of pirate thongs.
If I could be the Pope... I'd laugh at the American Catholic Church. Repeatedly. I would also demand my own comic book series and Saturday Morning Cartoon show. I'd also have a Superman costume that had a big red "P" on it - for SuperPope. That would be totally sweet.

Also: Check out (via ASV)

I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want it, just take it away.

Update: Tom Blogical and Scsiwuzzy
have been tagged. Inform the Ogre!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

3 - 10

In much lighter news, the Rockies won again. That makes them 3 and 10, with six blown saves in 13 games. They have held a lead in 10 of their thirteen contests. Jeff Francis looked pretty good today though - they've been touting him for quite a while.

Stat: The Rockies have been outscored 21 to 10 in the seventh inning. Not counting an eight run outburst in their 12-10 loss to San Francisco, that drops to 21 to 2. They have not scored in the 7th inning since April 12. Not the way to go about winning a division title, I'll say that much.

Sportsline Power Ranking: 30 (no surprise there)

Coming up: Two games against Philly and then a series with William Teach's Dodgers, who are 11-2 and lead the Rockies by 8 games. Avast!

John Kerry Elected Pope Blogburst SF-CLXXX

We're up to day 79 waiting for John Kerry to sign his form SF-180. Something tells me this might outlast the Papacy of Benedict XVI.

[This will occur every Tuesday until the form actually DOES get signed]

Thank you.

The weblogs participating in "Teh Blogburst" are:
And Rightly So!
Atlas Shrugs
Balance Sheet
Cao's Blog
Cathouse Chat
Civil Issues
Conservative Friends
Euphoric Reality
Flight Pundit
House Of Wheels
International House of Conservatism
Jay Howard Smith
Kender's Musings
My Vast Rightwing Conspiracy
Pirate's Cove
Private Radio
Progressive Conservatism
Ravings Of A Mad Tech
Rottweiler Puppy
Something...and Half of Something
Stop the ACLU
The Babaganoosh
The Creative Conservative
The Dark Citadel
The Sunnyeside Of Life
Uncle Jack
Villainous Company
Where's Your Brain?

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Channeling Glizzenn

IN THE MAIL: _Ecofascism_: Lessons from the German Experience, (Janet Biehl, Peter Staudenmaier)

Description: "From the introduction: "For many...people, it may come as a surprise to learn that the history of ecological politics has not always been inherently and necessarily progressive and benign. In fact, ecological ideas have a history of being distorted and placed in the service of highly regressive ends--even of fascism itself."

The book is a decade old, but so are a lot of the textbooks we use here.

UPDATE: For some reason, the only two of my last twenty visitors to arrive from Google were both searching for "Lebanese Chicks". I feel your pain, guys. I really feel your pain.

Incompetent Political Parties, Take 2

Just when you think the Democrats have the huge advantage and the Republicans are blowing it by catering to the Religious Right, Howard Dean comes out and says:

'We're going to use Terri Schiavo later on,' Dean said of the brain-damaged Floridian who
died last month after her feeding tube was removed amid a swarm of political controversy
'] (h/t, The New Editor)

It really makes him look good saying that they're going to "Use Terri Schiavo" (and if you don't think those three words will be quoted incessantly from here on out, you're sadly mistaken). Whether you're left-leaning or right-leaning, you can't think that this was a smart thing to say on the record. Things like this remind voters that the Democrats are most decidedly no better than the Republicans. In 2008, do Democrats REALLY want to be reminding us of Terri Schiavo? I think it's going to be a huge mistake.

Howard Dean, helping Democrats snatch defeat from the jaws of victory since 2005.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Mainstream Media 1, GOP 0 (CTA)

Warning: Conspiracy Theory Alert

It was over five months ago that we re-elected George W. Bush to the highest office in the land. Post-election polls cited the very ambiguous 'Moral Values' as the number one issue that got President Bush a second term in the White House. With five months of hindsight, I think that the MSM had a golden opportunity to stick it to the GOP, and they've been using it - and none of us realized it.

The MSM incessantly repeated the "Moral Values" hypothesis over and over again, saying that it was the "Evangelical Christian Vote" that put W over the top. While the Christian vote is important, it's also true that there are numerous other groups within the Repubican Party that, had they not banded together and voted for Bush, we would be seeing a President Kerry.

The "Religious Right"/Rest of America divide has been played up in recent weeks, really beginning with the Schiavo case and has continued into the debate on the judiciary. The MSM made sure to note that it was "The Religious Right" that got President Bush and the GOP elected, and the polls are telling the conservative Congress that they must cater to them. The more moderate conservatives are being turned off by this influx of "Religious Righteousness", and have taken up the left-wing bloggers derogatory "Theocon" term to emphasize how not happy they are.

The MSM helped convince the American public that it was the Religious Right that won the election, and gave them a huge ego boost. I'm sure you've all seen the picture of the strangely happy man holding the sign with Bush and a cross outside of that hospice in Florida (I cannot find the picture anymore). You've heard all the Randall Terry connections, and you've watched as the left-wing blogs have turned that guy into the "Face" of the Republican party.

The whole "VLWC" (snicker) has engineered yet another crack in the GOP, just like they planned to when they put all the focus on "Moral Values" and made the "Religious Right" believe they could dictate the country's policies. You've got blogs and bloggers like Glenn Reynolds, Andrew Sullivan, and Balloon Juice on one side, and Hugh Hewitt, Right Wing News, and AYC on the other.

I personally believe that this threat from the "Religious Right" is completely overstated - for now. The MSM (the more I say it, the less sense it makes - really), is using the RR to try and crack up the GOP once again so they can move in for 2008. The "RR" has to stop with the statism, and the "Secular Right" needs to remember that the "Alternative is always worse" - because in this case, it always is.

A couple of weeks ago, Sullivan wrote about the "Judeo-Christian Council for Constitutional Restoration" who want to abolish the constitution and put "Biblical precepts as the only source of American Law" - nowhere was there a mention of the equally so, if not moreso treasonous Constitution of 2020 conference (read about that here) Despite his worst fears, there is NO danger about America becoming a Christian Theocracy where gays are prosecuted for being gay. Then again, that's how he sees America already. (And yes, I know I used the word prosecuted).

I really hope that both sides in the coming months can reconcile these differences and get back to the importance of keeping America as the world power. If the two groups drift apart, the other party will get back into office, and it would serve everyone well to remember this:

"The American people will never knowingly adopt Socialism. But under the name of 'liberalism' they will adopt every fragment of the Socialist program, until one day America will be a Socialist nation, without knowing how it happened."- Thomas

The important thing is to make sure that small-government conservatism is not completely eroded from the political landscape. If that is the case, then the country is in trouble.

Update: And as The Commissar noted in the comments, it's always proper etiquette to give a link to the blog you trackbacked to. I forgot. I still have much to learn in the blogging world and I hope The Commissar can forgive an honest mistake. It's not the first time this has happened, but I'm getting better with it.

I should have also mentioned that it was for his Carnival of Bloggers "Against People of Faith", which is an incredibly unfortunate name, but in reality is a stand against the constant catering of Republicans to one particular group of the GOP. There are others out here who they would not have been able to get elected with. Now, I'm sure this will offend my 8 to 10 regular readers, but if the GOP does not lessen the infatuation with the "Religious Right", then the Democrats have an opportunity to win in 2008, and that's VERY BAD.

Evil Glenn And Baseball, Part I (A Filthy Lie)

(Part VIII of the Evil Glenn Saga)

After the Hulk, Spiderman, Stan Lee, Glizzenn and I put an end to Evil Glenn's reality TV programming, we thought he would be out of our lives and back to tormenting bloggers who got more than 30 visits on an average day. Then again, any visit that wasn't his was enough to send Evil Glenn into a mad scramble. However, it had been a full six days since anything strange had occurred and a full two days since Rumsfeld's Afghani Massacre. I was due.

The Giants were playing the Rockies tonight, and once again moehawk had done the trash-talking, confident his Giants would defeat the 1-8 Rockies. I was more optimistic than that, though. Something was odd though. When it was time for the game to start, instead of zooming in on the field, the lot of us watching saw a close-up of a pair of eyes. That maddening look could only belong to one force. EVIL GLENN!

"I'm sure you all remember the XFL, my friends. It was well intentioned, but a financial disaster. I told Vince McMahon they should have used penguins as cheerleaders, but he would have none of it. So after watching him fall, I decided to start up my own baseball league, which you will be the first to watch. Congratulations."

The camera zoomed into the stadium. Vin Scully was stapled to an announce table and Jack Buck was as well. For some reason, college basketball announcer Dick Vitale was being used as a pinata. Evil Glenn sat down between the two commentators.

"The first game of today's doubleheader will be Jeff Jarvis versus a pack of rabid hyenas. Oh - wait... that's my plan for this evening. The first game today will be between the DNC Deaniacs and the DLC "We're Not Insane Like Those Nutjobs" Democrats. The second game of the doubleheader will be the little chocolate labs versus the golden retrievers, with the losing team getting blended. It's gonna be a great night of baseball."

I looked over at "my flat-mate" (Glizzenn's term) and cringed. Even though the Rockies wouldn't lose, this would still not be a pleasant sight to watch. But, as always with Evil Glenn, you knew things were going to get worse before they got better. The TV focused in on the batters' box, where Jonah Goldberg was practicing with a bucket of kittens! Frank J had been right all along! After watching a kitten sail over the fence, I decided that there would be no more of this. Glizzenn suggested sending a reporter to get a better scoop, but I was not going to waste seven more stories trying to rescue a co-worker. This was a job that only Glizzenn and I could accomplish - in fact, it was only a job Glizzenn could "accomplish", so I sent him off to Coors Field by himself.

*Two hours later*

It was the 13th inning, and the DNC was up on the DLC 6 to 1. Glenn didn't bother to mention how many innings there were to be in a game, but the DLC had runners on all four bases and Bill Clinton was up to bat. Dean threw the kitten and Clinton sent it sailing out of the park and into a pit of spikes just outside the stadium. The score was tied. I was beginning to think "Hey - this is pretty entertaining" when Glizzenn called.

"Hey, mah nizzle - what is it that you want me to do?"

I had completely forgotten what it was I wanted him to do. "Uh... um... just find a way to shut down this league once and for all!"

"But Babaganoosh! I don't even know where to - maybe I'll look in here. Turn on the lizzight and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Silence. "F***." I mumbled. It looked as though I would let Evil Glenn win this battle when I had a knock on my door. I got up to answer it.

"Hey! I fooled you, huh my homey?" Glizzenn asked. I was downright furious that he would pull that crap. For some reason, he had brought Vince McMahon with him, who seemed to have a grudge against Evil Glenn.

"That Evil Glenn bankrupted the XFL! Can you believe he wanted to replace the footballs with autistic children? Or that he wanted penguins as cheerleaders? Or that he wanted the halftime shows to be 30 minute segments of him going Heh? It was terrible! He ran my company into the ground, and I want revenge!"

This was getting to be TOO silly. I sent Glizzenn and Vince on their way and got around to falling asleep on the couch. When I woke up the next morning, quite the surprise was waiting for me. Glizzenn was scratching at my window.


I was sure he was joking until I saw it in the local paper. "Aw... f***"

To be continued....

Rockies Win! (Not A Satire)

No.. seriously - it's not a satire. Stop laughing.

It was not a pretty game to watch, as Taiwanese prospect Chin Hui-Tsao nearly blew the lead in the 9th inning. The team is now 2-8, with a .200 winning percentage. Every other team in the major leagues has at least 4 wins, and every team in the NL with the exception of the Rockies and Pirates have 5. It'll be a long season, but they'll survive.

On a more interesting note, only one game is left to play in this full day (where all 30 teams play) of baseball, and not one team has scored 10 runs yet. The Dodgers may, but if they don't, it will mark an occurrence that has happened rather infrequently. Update: They did not score 10 runs. Amazing.

1. Go to
2. Check the 2003 box scores to see how many times all 30 teams played on the same day, and find out how many of those days went by without a team scoring 10 runs. I believe it happened once that entire season.

Good game, moehawk, though I'll bet that the Giants will win the next one.
Update: Post moved to top so the world could be shocked that they won a freakin' game.

More Headlines (4/16/05)

While waiting for the Rockies game to start, I figured I might as well do more headlines. One in particular caught my eye today.

UN says Haiti Needs More Work
UN awarded with "Well, Duh" prize

Irish Stadium Thrown Open
Soccer Hooligans manage to toss entire complex

Huge Ecstasy Haul in Austrailia

Harvey of Bad Example surprisingly not involved

China Rocket Man Held For Bribery
Yao Ming still yet to post bail.

China Rocket Man Held For Bribery
Joins 400 million other Chinese held in jail as political prisoners.

Government Orders Rover Inquiry
Rove not worried, credits dark overlord

US warns of "Desperate" Taleban

US also warns of "Pungent" Frenchmen

Re-Thinking Urban Car Journeys
Former Pope not pleased

UN Must Reform or Die, says Rice
Frank J's "In My World" series becoming closer to reality

Jackson Lawyer Rounds on Mother

Jackson rounds on mother's son

Go Rockies! 2-8 after tonight! Thank you.

Obligatory Quiz Post 3

From Blogthings. ^-^ (via Hamstermotor)

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

30% Yankee

10% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What counts as Midwestern?

You May Be a Bit Schizotypal ...

A bit odd and socially isolated.
You couldn't care less of what others think.
And some of your beliefs are a little weird.
Like that time you thought you were Jesus.

What Personality Disorder Are You?
That's exactly what my psychologist said I was.

You Are 35% Normal

(Occasionally Normal)

You sure do march to your own beat...
But you're so weird, people wonder if it's a beat at all
You think on a totally different wavelength
And it's often a chore to get people to understand you

You Will Die at Age 70


You're pretty average when it comes to how you live...
And how you'll die as well.

Yay! 50 more years of blogging!

You Are 23 Years Old


20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

I told you I was mature for my age. ^-^

Not Waiting

Sent a letter to Congressman Simmons on March 16. Am no longer expecting a reply. However, if he pulls a "Chris Shays" (Ri-5th district), and denounces Tom DeLay, I'll have to send him another one. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that.

Friday, April 15, 2005

What You Shouldn't Do While I'm Eating

Me: *eating, typing up report on computer*
*IM pops up from friend*
Friend: You know, I've come to grips with the realization that I'm into bondage.

More things that you shouldn't do while I'm eating will be posted when people actually do them. Please thank this friend of mine for this outburst. She'll be pleased.

UPDATE: I'm sure there are a few of you out there that are into this, but please - never tell anyone this while they're eating. Just a helpful suggestion.

UPDATE II: I can't believe I forgot to mention that today is Buy A Gun Day!

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Honorable James A. Baker III

James Baker came to campus to speak today on behalf of the Anwar Sadat Lecture for Peace. It was terrific. Even though I'm young, I'll never know why we didn't run this guy in place of Bob Dole back in 1996.

First I have to give Sadat's widow, Dr. Jehan Sadat, props for mentioning the "Collapse of the Soviet Empire". That was good. I bet the faculty didn't like to hear it.

Baker mentioned "Abu Mazen" twice instead of saying "Mahmoud Abbas". Bet that caught some attention. He notably called the Iraqi elections "successful" and mentioned the Orange and Cedar revolutions.

Baker said there were three main challenges we must deal with in the Middle East:
1) Fostering a stable Iraq at peace with her neighbors
2) Preventing Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons
3) Promoting Arab-Israeli peace.

This is exactly what the right-side of the blogosphere's been saying.

Again, he gave an obvious five-point plan for promoting the Arab-Israeli peace, which unfortunately had a few flaws - which he noted in his five truisms.

Step 1 - Define the implementation of the road map
Step 2 - Assist Palestinian government reform
Step 3 - Lead an international effort investing in the Palestinian economy (i.e, divestment is stupid)
Step 4 - Provide a safety net in case of crises
Step 5 - Use US leadership to ensure adequate responses to non-compliance

Truism 1 - Israel will never be secure as long as they occupy territories
Truism 2 - There is no military solution
Truism 3 - Political Process and Dialogue are essential
Truism 4 - Some Arabs do not accept Israel's existence and should be dealt with.
Truism 5 - Only US can be mediator because we accept Israel.

He ended with the following points.
1) Sometimes we must act unilaterally to preserve our interests
2) We are the final guarantor left of international security
3) Free markets should be cherished and protected.
4) America is the most benevolent world power in history.

All in all, a terrific lecture. I hope they get someone good next year, too.

Rumsfeld In Afghanistan (PGH)

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

I was bored. It was a Thursday afternoon and I had nothing to do. The precision guided humor assignment was late again, so I decided to turn on the television and flipped to Current. Al Gore was live, reporting something on the Google News program.

"The delegation to Afghanistan was supposed to consist of 'President' Bush, Kofi Annan, Jacques Chirac, and Condoleezza Rice. However, I, President Al Gore, have come up with a breaking exclusive - Donald Rumsfeld has snuck aboard and is planning to leave the group to strangle Afghani hippies protesting the Afghani government! I can't say why, seeing as they have enough Opium to last for decades, but they are - and Donald Rumsfeld is planning to strangle them!"

I laughed. "Yeah - not until I see video proof."

A still-motion photo popped up onto the television.
Image hosted by
Was that Donald Rumsfeld in drag?! (via Wizbang)

The Democrats' wild accusation were right for once - Donald Rumsfeld was in Afghanistan, and it couldn't have been for any non-murderous reasons.

The Next Day:

Four members of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan had cornered an elderly woman who was not wearing a veil in public and decided to do away with her. What they didn't know would cost them their lives.

"What's your name, harlot?" asked one, probably named Ahmed.

"D-d-d-Donna, sir"... the woman said, trembling in fear. The insurgents/terrorists just laughed. "Bwa ha ha! Donna is no name for a woman. We shall give you BETTER name, but first you get one last chance to rename yourself before we proceed with the honor killing."

"My name is Ronald Dumsfeld, and you're going to DIE!" Rumsfeld tore off his wig and jumped for the first terrorist's neck, snapping it cleanly in two. He tripped the second man and crushed his trachea with his foot. The last two terrorists struck at the same time. Rumsfeld grabbed each of them by their necks and simultaneously strangled them. It was quite a sight.

Rumsfeld... er... Donna placed his/her wig back on and calmly left the building to go back onto the street. "She" sniffed the air. Hippies were afoot, and probably protesting. Donna put on her stranglin' gloves and went to look.

Sure enough, there they were outside of the Afghani capitol building chanting slogans like "No mud for oil!", "Jalaliburton!", "Kill the Jews!", "Weeeeeeeeeed!" and "Bush Is Hitler!" Rumsfeld wasn't sure whether they were actual Afghani protestors or just denizens of the Democratic Underground/Boston University, but he didn't care. Before Al Gore's TV cameras could even catch him in the act, all the hippies had been strangled, including one who had a brassiere tied around his throat with a card that read: "I'm Donna Rumsfeld. I strangled this man."

Gore looked into the sky and could not help but yell. "RUUUMMMMMSFELLLLLD!"

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


I confused my 20 email accounts today. Sent e-mails to people who weren't supposed to get them, sent the wrong e-mails, sent no e-mails, didn't get a paper that was due on time, et cetera. I should probably not have 20 email accounts, but I do. Note to people with Gmail: Next person to send me an invitation gets castrated. Thank you.

In other news, the Rockies and Bulls both lost, making my teams 0-5 in the last three days. If they were playing, the Blackhawks probably would have lost too. Perhaps if I stop paying attention to the NBA, the Rockies won't fall to 1-8. I can hope.

I really wish the Alliance Roundup was moved up. It's really, really late at night now.

Calling All Feminists!

What does it take to get someone in trouble?

Certainly not anything remotely resembling this exchange between a 24-year old teacher and his 16-year old student. (Student's name and such changed for yadda yadda yadda and emphasis added by me)
Girl: Hey - Mr Algebra Guy-man!
Teacher: I have a name, Miss Sexy
Girl: Uhh......Er. Oh yeah; why'd I get a B on this if the answer WAS letter B?
Teacher: .....
Girli: ......? Er....what?
Teacher: What? Oh - I was staring at your mile of cleavage. You look very yummy right now - does anyone have any whipped cream?
Random Boy in Class: Only if you promise to share!
Girl: Pervert!
Teacher:I have testosterone - what can I say?

I'll give you an idea of what you can say for starters, sir.
"Wow, I'm sure lucky I still have a job where I can teach 'yummy' high school girls!"

or maybe:
"I'm sure glad this is a public school and my salary is paid by the taxpayers!"

or, if I felt like adding a sense of humor to this post:
"Does anyone other than HARVEY have any whipped cream?"

Do you see this, residents of Philadelphia? This is what goes on in your public schools. This is warning two. One more and the high school is revealed to the public. If someone can GUESS the high school, then I'll reveal it regardless. How many public schools does this have to happen in before the system gets shut down?

Rusty Shackleford Gets Mail

I was perusing my daily reads on the blogroll today when I got to Google News. (The Jawa Report). Rusty Shackleford had received hatemail! Now, this wouldn't be particularly newsworthy to me if not for the fact that I noticed the mention of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, Shawcable, and Islamic Jihad. Now, I'm aware that a large majority of those in Calgary use Shaw Cable (just as most people in southern New England use Comcast), but I had seen this general format before.

Then I remembered where - my other website. I run a forum on Suddenlaunch/Proboards which caters to the interests of your average marching-band-loving high schooler (you know the type), and well, recently we were overrun by socialists. Not just any socialists, but socialists who would occasionally pretend they were crusading Christians, jihadi Muslims, extremist Jews (what do they do, go around circumcising people?), rebel Sikhs (5 points to anyone else who are familiar with Sikhs to begin with) and the like. I'm pretty sure one of them was a Satanist, one was a Communist, and the others, well, I have no idea.

Quick Fact: *countries run by what we consider devil-worshippers have lower murder rates than countries whose established religion is atheism*

But I digress. I used sitemeter to see where all these socialists/communists were coming from. They were using Shaw Cable, and coming from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Take this gem:
What is it you people have against Stalin? I mean sure, he was evil, he killed lots of people, but at least he didn't kill them because they were Devil worshipping pagans or dirty jews or damn gays!"

What do you have against him?

A thing of beauty, these people from Calgary. So Dr. Rusty Shackleford is probably getting harassed by some 15-year old from St. Francis' high school or something. Just lettin' the Doctor know he's not alone in this regard.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005


Well, we ALMOST had it. Almost. Until the 8th inning. Almost had it. But now we're 1-6, four games back of the Dodgers. That's right - we're the ONLY team more than 2 1/2 games back of ANY division leader. Should we be proud? Of course we should. We're also the only team with less than two wins. One thing we got going for us - the Pirates have STILL been on the losing end of more 7+ run games this season somehow than us. Seeing as they've done it 3 times in 8 games, I'm rather impressed they're not 1-7.

Outfielder Jorge Piedra was suspended for 10 games after testing positive for a banned substance. Terrific. He claims that it was the pills he took for an injury that caused him to test positive. Yep - that's the same reason Barry Bonds is sitting out half the season. Another blow to an already ugly season. Looks like we haven't cured those road woes in the slightest.

We'll win the next game. The Rockies may not be due, per se, but they'll win.

Firefox/BBC Headlines

Alrighty, I'm going to take the headlines Firefox gives me and see if I can make anything out of them, a la basil or moehawk. I'll only do it if I'm REALLY, REALLY bored. Unless noted, these can be found under the BBC's "latest headlines" on your Firefox browser. If you don't have a Firefox browser, what's wrong with you?

Poverty Targets May Be Missed
Jihadi Targets Never Are

Official Blasts Bush UN Nominee
Official later found killed with homemade shiv

BBC Unions Call For Strike Ballot
Rockies call for strike three, lose again

Football: Chelsea Reach Semis
Hillary ousted in primaries, GOP relieved

Indonesia Bans Army Business Ties

Navy Business Pants, Air Force Leisure Shoes, Pirate Thongs still allowed

Produce From Cloned Cattle "Safe"
Populace still unsure about beef-flavoured lettuce.

Poland Confirms Iraq Withdrawal
The Babaganoosh confirms Caffeine withdrawal

Fear of Hospital Hits Virus Fight

Virus visibly shaken at sight of doctors and needles

From my local paper, the New London Day:

Psychiatrist: Ross Looking To Go Out In A ‘blaze Of Glory'
Can't go out in blaze of sparks since Electric Chair was banned

New Method For Funding Schools Eyed By Coalition
France, Germany warn U.S. about funding unilaterally

Military Cuts Hit Hardest In Northeast
No one in New England supports the military anyway

Women On Both Sides Of Implant Debate
Men struggling to grasp the issues

Hundreds Of Palestinian Gunmen Sign Pledge To Halt Violence In Exchange For Jobs
Israelis reportedly "Very happy", and "Ungodly Gullible"

That's it for today. Enjoy the Baba Gannouj and get a good night's sleep.


Holy crap. (h/t, Evil White Guy)

US scientists have designed a bionic eye to allow blind people to see again.

It comprises a computer chip that sits in the back of the individual's eye, linked up to a mini video camera built into glasses that they wear.

Images captured by the camera are beamed to the chip, which translates them into impulses that the brain can interpret.
"The retinal implant contains tiny electrodes. If you stimulate a single electrode, the person will see a single dot of light."
They have already tested implants containing a handful of electrodes, but the end device will contain 50-100 to give a better overall picture."

Now, my vision is a lot better than say, a blind person (of course), but it's still not that great (20-130 and 20-150). Maybe a few years down the line (say 10 or 15), the implants will be good enough to reach 20-80ish. The implications for this are huge. As Evil White Guy said, "That's just amazing. We may have cured blindness. That's not just amazing, that's staggering."

The next time that an environmentalist tries to make the animals are humans' equal argument, show him or her this article. The human race may have just conquered one of the most complex devices in the entire biosphere. If we can do this, then there's no reason we aren't capable of taking on the entire environment and winning - being able to create living conditions if, as the greens fear, we destroy the environment. It's just a matter of time.

Once again, the human race has overcome.

Pot Calling Kettle Oppressive

So apparently China has decided to put the "Human Rights Record" of the United States on display. Is it justifiable, or is it Anti-capitalist propaganda? I'll let you take one guess.

Here's a hint: the most commonly used media sources are the NYT, LAT, Washington Post, and Baltimore Sun. T-riffic.

Frontpage gives a good fisking of it, but we can always go farther, can't we?

Key Line: " The US freedom of the press is filled with hypocrisy."
As opposed to the PRC, where freedom of the press is non-existent.

Key Line: "Power and intimidation hang over the halo of press freedom. The New York Times published a commentary on March 30, 2004, saying that the US government's reliance on slandering had reached an unprecedented level in contemporary American political history, and the government prepared to abuse power at any moment to threat potential critics."
You'd think if that were true, then the New York Times would not DARED to have printed that, wouldn't you?

Key line: "The practice of treating illegal immigrants like criminals has become a national trend."
Damn. I never would have guessed that "illegal" was not actually against the law.

Key line: "In 2004, US army service people were reported to have abused and insulted Iraqi POWs, which stunned the whole world. The US forces were blamed for their fierce and dirty treatments for these Iraqi POWs."
Had to bring up Abu Ghraib, of course. Can't have a discussion about America without bringing up VIOLATIONS OF HUMAN RIGHTS ABUSES WITH PRISONERS! Nowhere is it mentioned that the people responsible for the torture were swiftly punished. Also, nowhere is it mentioned that China's record with prisoners is generally abysmal.

Update: Oh, I'm sorry - those aren't prisons - those are "re-education by Labor" camps (

It should also be noted that the Chinese have "googlebombed" the phrase "Prisoner Abuse in China" so that all ten of the first results come up with Abu Ghraib, and eight of them lead to Chinese-owned-and-operated websites.

Key Line: "Racism recurs on campus of American universities. Fascist slogans and posters promoting superiority of white people, along with threats by weapon or words were found on college campuses including University of California at Berkeley."
Frontpagemag and the People's Republic of China find themselves in agreement. UC-Berkeley as a bastion of white supremacy and FASCISTS? I bet that this is the first time in history that the student populace at UC-Berkeley has been called Fascistic.

Key Line: "People of minority ethnic groups are biased against in employment and occupation. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission of the United States received 29,000 complaints in 2003 of racial bias in the workplace"
As opposed to say..."The London-based Tibet Information Network (TIN) is reported in the article as saying that "dramatic changes" in the number and relativity of Tibetans in state jobs and blames this on Beijing's "discriminating policies". TIN claims that in 2000 Tibetans held 71.6 percent of state cadre jobs in the TAR (Tibetan Autonomous Region) however, since 2000 the number has declined sharply to 49.7 percent in 2003." (
Yep... compared to China, the US sure is racist. We are, assuming, of course, that each one of those 29,000 cases are each filed by separate people.

By the way, according to the EEOC website itself, that number is 27,700, and only 932 of those were due to actual "color bias". Seeing as how the report keeps mentioning the plight of "Colored People", you'd think they'd mention this. But no, why use the true number of 932, or even 27,700, when 29,000 is sitting right there on the webpage? Another thing to note is that the discriminations against the Tibetans is government-sponsored, whereas most of the 29000 cases of racial discrimination filed under Title VII were against private employers.

I bet they don't have anything close to a Title VII in China.

Key Line: "
After the Sept. 11 incident, the United States openly restricts the rights of citizens under the cloak of homeland security, and uses diverse means including wire tapping of phone conversations and secret investigations, checks on all secret files, and monitoring transfers of fund and cash flows to supervise activities of its citizens, in which, people of ethnic minority groups, foreigners and immigrants become main victims."
There they go throwing out the "minorities are the main victims of EVERYTHING" canard again. I do like the fact that they mention all of our diverse means, including "wire tapping... secret investigations... checks on all secret files, and monitoring transfers of fund and cash flows..."

Let's see what Freedom House's report has to say about China here. "Police frequently conduct searches without warrants, and at times monitor telephone conversations and other personal communications to use as evidence against suspected dissidents." So, of course, China can do whatever it wants to regular citizens, but the United States is not allowed to look out for National Security. Oh - yeah, that's EXACTLY what China wants the situation to be!

Key Line: "The situation of American women and children was disturbing. The rates of women and children physically or sexually victimized were high. According to FBI Crime Statistics, in 2003 the United States witnessed 93,233 cases of raping. Virtually 63.2 in every 100,000 women fell victims."
I wonder how that compares to women in Afghanistan and Iraq. Do I even need to mention China's forced sterilization policy? I didn't think so.

Key Line: "because of the "lingering atmosphere of fear" stemming from the Sept. 11 attacks and fallout from the Iraq War, there were 1,019 anti-Muslim incidents in the United States in 2003, representing a 69 percent increase."
I'm sure that the Uighar Muslims of western China would kill for the "lingering atmosphere of fear" that practitioners of Islam face here. And how about those Falungong extremists? I hear they aren't persecuted due to an atmosphere of fear in China. Oh... wait.

Notice a recurring theme here? China frequently is using its own human rights abuses, and then comparing them to what the United States does. There's one small problem with that. The Chinese government is the one responsible for most of the destruction in China, whereas individuals, not the government, are causing the "abuses" cited in China's report. Are we supposed to equate government sanctioned murder with stupid and hateful individuals? Apparently so. I'm not buying it.

Blogburst 180! Part Deux!

It's been seventy-two (72) days since John Kerry promised, on National Television, no less, that he would sign his form SF-180. He has yet to do so. Maybe he's busy on his taxes, but we can never be too sure.

Thankfully (h/t, Pseudo-Puppy Blender Itsapundit), Cao is holding a Blogburst where we can ALL send John Kerry his 180. Just encourage people to send John Kerry his 180. Why haven't YOU sent John Kerry his 180 today?

[This will occur every Tuesday until the form actually DOES get signed]

Thank you.

The weblogs participating in "Teh Blogburst" are:
And Rightly So!
Atlas Shrugs
Balance Sheet
Cao's Blog
Cathouse Chat
Civil Issues
Conservative Friends
Euphoric Reality
Flight Pundit
House Of Wheels
International House of Conservatism
Jay Howard Smith
Kender's Musings
My Vast Rightwing Conspiracy
Pirate's Cove
Private Radio
Progressive Conservatism
Ravings Of A Mad Tech
Rottweiler Puppy
Something...and Half of Something
Stop the ACLU
The Babaganoosh
The Creative Conservative
The Dark Citadel
The Sunnyeside Of Life
Uncle Jack
Villainous Company
Where's Your Brain?

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Sports Round-up 04/10/05

Ugh. moehawk sure is having fun, what with the three consecutive wins the Giants have and all. I'll tell you that I'm not. The Rockies are going into a three-game set against Arizona tomorrow. I'd expect them to win at least one. If they don't, this is going to be a very long season. I'll keep you updated even if they're 5-29 or 51-101 though, because unlike some sports fans (i e, all of New England), I don't stop watching if the team dips below .400.

I suppose they're going hand-in-hand with the law of averages. The Bulls are in the playoffs (and have a winning record) for the first time since 1997-98. It'll keep the misery that is the Rox on the back burner for at least the next month, so I'll survive.

Nice showing by Tiger at the Masters'. Don't think he's "back to his old game" though, because we'll never see a streak that dominant in golf again, methinks. At least not for another two decades.

Buy A Gun Day

April 15 is Buy A Gun Day.

(h/t, Aaron's cc)

I'm sure anyone reading this blog already has their fair share of guns, but if you don't, Kim du Toit is basically this side of the blogosphere's (and therefore the entire blogosphere's) overlord of weaponry.

Enjoy the Baba Gannouj, and buy a gun on April 15! Support your 2nd Amendment rights, peoples!

Pie In The Face

Well, like I said - Secretary of State under Bush 41 James A. Baker is coming to speak on campus this Thursday. What with the recent spate of pie and other assorted food attacks on right-side speakers, I fully expect the "brigades" to try something here. I'll keep you updated. Let's just say people are talking, and by people, I mean socialist-orgs and the like.

Plus, I may think of something else to post, but I'm making no promises.

Update: 4/11 - Michelle Malkin quotes the Washington Times in regards to pie throwing and all-around campus thuggery. Wonderful liberal-ideology-campus-thuggery.

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Evil Glenn's Reality TV Show (A Filthy Lie)

(Part VII of the Evil Glenn Saga)

I was waiting by my mailbox all day for the assignment from either Harvey, or his now-paid sidekick GEBIV. It didn't come on Friday and it wasn't in by the time I went to bed Saturday afternoon. However, when I woke up this morning, it was there, lying on my front porch.

Now that the Mainstream Media is starting to accept the fact that bloggers are something that they will have to deal with as part of their day-to-day business, it won't be long before other television outlets decide to show how hip & with-it they are by embracing the blogging phenomenon.
For example, I heard a rumor that soon there will be a reality TV show featuring Glenn Reynolds.
Now, you know how I HATE unsubstantiated claims and cheap innuendo, *ahem* so your Filthy Lie Assignment this week is to utilize all your resources to get to the bottom of this story, and answer the question:
What will Evil Glenn's reality TV series be about?
What kind of Filthy Lie Assignment was this? Evil Glenn had already started up his own reality programming network to compete with Current! He had already hired Mark Burnett to cast two different "Survivor" shows, one starring hobos, and one starring puppies. The difference was that no one would survive those shows. He had also launched a competitor for the Contender, but in actuality, it was just him punching Frank J to the theme from Rocky. Then there was the reality TV show set in his rehab clinic. Couldn't forget about the one where he put eight guys and eight sex-starved supermodels in a house for a month, with the catch being that someone had a venereal disease. That was a sick one. Last but not least, there was also American Idol. I'm pretty sure that only Evil Glenn is evil enough to be the one responsible for this guy. I mean, what assignment did I actually have to do?

Of course, it was at that moment that GEBIV drove up in his jeep. "Glenn's coming up with a whole NEW reality show - something that no one has ever seen before, and it's YOUR job to find out what it is."

I cringed. "Does this mean I have to go to Evil Glenn's Floating Battlestation?"

"Yes. If you recall, it was last seen over Washington, D.C, and according to our radar, it's still there. Now go and hurry before he gets away. And bring Glizzenn with you. He makes me laugh." GEBIV sped off.

"Glizzenn, I don't know why you've decided to stay here, but get moving - there's an Evil Glenn plot to stop." He responded with a "This time, I'm really gonna bust a cap in his booty!" I cringed again.

Forty minutes later, Glizzenn and I had snuck into the Battlestation and were making our way through the ventilation shafts. I stopped when I heard Evil Glenn's voice. I checked the nearest grate, and there he was, talking to Tom DeLay over a puppy smoothie! I couldn't believe it!

"You know Tom - it's really funny how the 'Mainstream Media' - heh - jump all over you for scandals that aren't really scandals, but they don't actually get you for things that ARE scandalous, like our exploits of putting puppies in blenders and murdering hobos."

DeLay laughed. "Oh, I know. Now tell me - what is this NEW reality TV program you want me to finance? I hope it's as good as your Contender knock-off."

I was shocked. I would have informed the Los Angeles Times, but then I remembered the phrase "Mainstream Media". Glizzenn was about to say something, but I shut him up so I could hear what Evil Glenn was about to say.

"Alright - this new reality TV series is going to be a hit. Remember the movie Speed? Well, I say we make it real! Of course, the bus will be full of old people with dementia, just to heighten the drama."

DeLay looked at him. "Who's the bus driver?"

Evil Glenn laughed. "Heh heh. That's the best part - there IS no bus driver!" He laughed again. "Ted Kennedy gave me a great idea too - he said that there was a place in Massachusetts that would make a great stop for ANY automobile!"

DeLay laughed too. "It has Teddy's support? Well, this is a great bipartisan effort then. Just let me sign my name on the check - and here ya go. Two full seasons' worth. This'll really lighten the load on social security."

I stepped away from the grate and looked over to Glizzenn. Evil Glenn was planning to blow up busses full of elderly people, and if that failed, drive them into Chappaquiddick bay! This was terrible! Unexpectedly, a voice rang down from below. "By the way, I know you're up there Glizzenn, and you've got someone with you. I suppose now is not a good time to tell you that I'm filling the vents with poison gas as we speak." Blast that Evil Glenn!

Glizzenn and I quickly rushed to another grate and dropped down. Here we found Stan Lee strapped to the pilot's chair being forced to fly this monstrosity for Evil Glenn. We untied him and were on our way through the battlestation looking for a way out before Evil Glenn found us. Stan Lee got us lost, and the three of us ended up in Evil Glenn's dungeon. This was not going to be good.

A muffled voice cried out from one corner of the cell. It was my trusted reporter, Akatsuki, and she was not looking healthy. You'd think that Evil Glenn had withheld nourishment from her for two weeks. "Nah", I thought. "That wouldn't happen in America." I borrowed a "piece of bling" from Glizzenn and used it to cut the bars open. Handy, that bling. She was very gracious and then warned us of Evil Glenn's evil plot.

"He's planning ANOTHER reality television show! We have to stop him!"

"Relax" I said. "We know about the Chappaquiddick plan and we're going to stop him."

"No!" She cried. "He's planning another one! He's going to round up a bunch of children for his next reality show and send them to the Neverland Ranch!"

Stan Lee's eyes nearly burst out of their sockets. "What?! THAT'S ATROCIOUS! We need to stop this now!" Unfortunately, there were only four of us to stop both his plots, and one still too ill to help anyway. Glizzenn looked to Stan. "You get your homies, like the Hulk and Spiderman and their nizzles, and go to Neverland to stop that plot. The Babaganoosh and I will get this ho over to the hospital and then head out to Chappaquiddick to see if we can do anything."

First, I smacked Glizzenn for calling my reporter a "ho". Then I smacked him again. "The Hulk and Spiderman don't exist, nimrod!"

"Neither do Floating Battlestations, Instabombs, and Puppy Smoothies"

"Touché, Glizzenn. But still, I would rather deal with Michael Jackson than disarm a bomb on the underside of a bus moving at 60 miles an hour." A voice popped up behind me.

"That's 90 miles an hour." Evil Glenn stood in the doorway with Tom DeLay tied up in a chair behind him. He must have tricked DeLay somehow. Luckily, he wasn't incapacitated enough to knock his chair over, causing Evil Glenn to run back to the other room. The four of us quickly made an escape. I was sure we didn't have much time, but the Alliance had to be notified.

Back on Evil Glenn's battlestation, Tom DeLay was lowered into a pit where thousands of plush dolls lay with a now-insane Andrew Sullivan. Sullivan wasn't far gone enough though, as he immediately ripped into the "extremely unethical and homophobic" DeLay. Tommy Boy would regret the day he made a deal with Evil Glenn Reynolds.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Ebb and Flow

I see you. You're cringing. You're shaking your head at the latest Conservative Columnist pay-off. You're shaking your fist in anger over the Martinez-Staffer-GOP-Talking-Points-Memo and the Terri Schiavo case in general. You're clenching your teeth through the latest "scandal" involving Tom DeLay. You're still irritated that President Bush's social security plan went down the drain and he's still not doing anything about illegal immigration.

"What the hell is going on?" You ask. "How come the Democrats keep winning?" Your eyes well up watching the left side of the blogosphere jump up and down, rejoicing at their three or five or six or eight(!) consecutive victories. "This has got to stop!" you say, "Or we're going to get crushed in the 2006 mid-terms!"

Well, yes and no. Remember how back in November, the blogosphere was talking about the death of the Democratic Party? I told you, back on February 24, not to do that. However, it's still only April 2005. We were talking deathbed dems not ten weeks ago. Who's to say that the Democrats won't completely blow their advantage before October? Come on, we're talking about a political party here - it's one of the least competent organizations on the planet. Bush's approval rating may be at 44% now, but who's to say where it'll be in September?

Now, less than eight weeks after talking about deathbed Democrats, the left side of the blogosphere is looking for a "knockout punch" to the right. Come on. You had 20 years where we weren't in the Oval Office and another 40 when we weren't in Congress. You're looking for a knockout blow NOW?

What happens when Frist pulls the Nuclear Option, which is all but a given now? It'll serve to stanch the flow of Democratic victories, and they know that. The pendulum has already swung back and forth once since the election and it will swing again. All that matters is where it is the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November, 2006, and my money's on a lean to the right.

Evolution and Mass Murderers (StbIP)

Note: Comments and Trackbacks to this post will not necessarily reflect the views of the Author of this Sure to be Inflammatory Post. (StbIP)

Recently, Cao had a post linking the theory of evolution to mass murderers such as Hitler, Stalin, and the like. Sadly, I can't link to the post, as every time I go to that website, my browser locks up and I have to restart (I tried it on Firefox AND IE at least 7 times). I commented twice, and I believe either my comments were misinterpreted twice, or no one was really paying enough attention.

The post basically ended with a remark about how Stalin and Hitler's mass murder campaigns were "based on a lie." Now, there are two things wrong with this statement and the post in general. The first, is of course, calling evolution a "lie." Remember that a lie is a falsehood given with the intent to deceive. Note that Darwin's theory, while not proven, has not been disproven either, and as of right now, holds more weight than any Creationism/ID theory. Even if false, Darwin certainly did not spread it for the primary reason of creating a Godless society. He was trying to grow our knowledge, not cover it up. Whether he did remains open to debate.

The post basically links belief in Evolution with a propensity to mass-murder. I brought up the 9/11 hijackers to show that a belief in a higher being can also lead to mass-murder. The responses began by saying that basically they believed in a false God anyway, so it's the same thing. Again, we have no idea. Cao seemingly got my point towards the end where it was mentioned that all of them decided they had the power to decide who lives and who dies, and that's the start of what I was getting at.

What Stalin, Hitler, and the terrorists (and even 1100s era Christians) have/had in common is not who has the ability to decide who lives and who dies, but Who doesn't. Stalin was an atheistic Communist, whereas Hitler was closer to a Pagan. Neither of them believed in a Judgement Day before a god. Those who kill in the name of religion certainly don't believe in evolution, but they also don't believe in a "True" judgement day. Why not? Well, look at the Jews who were victims of the "Blood Libel". The Christians persecuted them for basically being Jews. Was it really necessary? Let's say God is still bitter about the Jews not accepting Jesus. Don't you think that He would be plenty capable of dealing with people he thought did wrong? Well, those Christians obviously didn't think their God was THAT almighty.

It's the same with today's Islamic terrorists. Ignore Sura 2:62 for a minute (the one that states "Surely, those who believe, those who are Jewish, the Christians, and the converts; anyone who (1) believes in GOD, and (2) believes in the Last Day, and (3) leads a righteous life, will receive their recompense from their Lord. They have nothing to fear, nor will they grieve.") and say that Allah is not happy with Christians who believe Mohammed is a false prophet. The terrorists claim to be killing them in the name of Allah. Don't you think that if they are correct, and Allah is God and Mohammed his prophet, that Allah himself would be completely capable of dealing with those he deemed sinful?

Where Hitler, Stalin, and the terrorists differ in religion, they all share the belief that there is no Judgement Day. While evolution certainly had an effect on Hitler, what are the odds he would have gone through with his plan if he knew there was God on the other end waiting for him? I think the odds would be rather low. The terrorists plainly believe that Allah can't handle all the "infidels" by himself, so they have to kill for him, because the infidels are "bad." Doesn't the Qu'ran explicitly state that the whole "bad" or "good" thing is Allah's decision to make?

A huge part of the change in Christianity in the last hundred or so years is our general realization that yes, God is Almighty and He is capable of whatever it is He wants to do. That includes Judgement Day. Knowing that He's there to make the decision in the end allows us to not kill anyone in the name of religion anymore, because it's not our decision anyway. If Muslims decide that "Hey - our God is all powerful - it even says so in the Qu'ran! He'll deal with the infidels when he so chooses so we don't have to!", we'll start to see a large increase in the number of Mohammed's followers that aren't crazed jihadis. I'm hoping that day comes soon, though I really doubt it.

What did this piece have to do with Cao's post? It's simple. It's not evolution that turns men into crazed killers, it's the belief that there's no "Moment of Accountability" once they reach the other side.

Praxis Exam

The Praxis is a series of tests one must take if they're interested in pursuing a career involving education. I enrolled in an 8-week preparatory course that started today.

Began by taking a Practice PRAXIS exam akin to a pre-test. (from REA)
Scored 180 on the reading (scores range from 151 - 187), Average: 177
Scored 176 on the writing (scores range from 150 - 188), Average: 176
Scored 187 on the mathematics (scores range from 150 - 190), Average: 178

According to the website, that would be good enough to pass every single state's requirements, with Virginia being the closest shave.

ACTUAL Test is June 11.

Should be fun.

Another Cause Worth Doing

(h/t, "Google News")

May 14, in D.C. - the Free Muslims against Terrorism. If you're in the D.C. Area, there's no reason not to go.

Thank you.

Lack of Posting

Sorry - the computer's been down and out and all-around irritating these past few days. It's really getting quite irritating - but I've got a few things coming down the pike, so don't worry. The fact that the computer keeps "timing out" when attempting to contact does not help any.

Oh, and "Google News"

Thursday, April 07, 2005

MSNBC's Comedy Tournament

(h/t, A Small Victory)

MSNBC seeds 64 comedies in a bracket a la the NCAA tournament. As I enjoy doing stuff like this, I'll give my choices for this, too. The bracket is here. Any movie I have not seen is automatically eliminated, whereas a match between two movies I haven't seen is determined by Googlefight.

Best Round of 64 Match - Old School v. Tommy Boy
Best Round of 32 Match - The Holy Grail v. The Producers
Best Round of 16 Match - The Holy Grail v. Blazing Saddles

Easiest Route to Elite 8: Strangelove. Then it met up with The Holy Grail, and advanced no further. Such is Karma. The Holy Grail had to get through the Producers and Blazing Saddles to reach the elite 8, and those two movies would probably be final 4 contenders if they were anywhere else.

My Elite 8:
Spaceballs v. Ferris Bueller (Broad Region)
Austin Powers v. Beverly Hills Cop (SNL Alumni Region)
Bull Durham v. Princess Bride (Smart Region)
The Holy Grail v. Strangelove (Classic Region)

Best Elite 8 Match: Bull Durham v. Princess Bride - probably the toughest pick in the entire tournament to make. I went with Princess Bride. If it had been Major League, we might have had a different story.

My Final 4:
Spaceballs v. Austin Powers
The Holy Grail v. The Princess Bride

Sixty-four started, and only four titans remain. Who goes on, and who stays home? These are two excellent matches, and tough to pick as well.

Championship Round: The Holy Grail v. Spaceballs
The Winnah: The Holy Grail, of course. Any of these four could have been the champion, but there was only one.

What do y'all think?

Support This Site