Monday, March 28, 2005

Evil Glenn's April Fools Day Prank (A Filthy Lie)

[A Filthy, Filthy, Filthy Lie]

Evil Glenn scowled. Frank J and Harvey had gotten him. While half-asleep, he had woke up that morning to prepare his breakfast smoothie. But something was amiss. It tasted so strange. He splashed cold water in his face to wake himself up, and he looked down into his puppy storage bin to see what was wrong with his latest drink.

Cat fur.

Harvey and Frank had tricked him into drinking a kitty smoothie, today, April 1st. Then it hit him. He had been April Fooled!

It was time for revenge.

Evil Glenn got into his Evil-Glennmobile and headed off to teach. However, he couldn't see out his back window, and he could hear people cheering him on from behind him. He pulled over and saw the sticker attached to his back window "Jesus Christ is my Savior". Angrily, he ripped it down, knowing that basil's Coalition of the Willing was behind it.

It was time for revenge.

When Glenn got to his office, there was another surprise awaiting him - a note from the University President to meet with him immediately. Upon reaching the office, the president pushed a paper over to Glenn entitled "Capitalism Roxxors!" by one "Evil Glennn Reynolds"

Evil Glenn knew immediately that the three "N"s signified the work of Ogre. The President of the University just looked at him. "How do you explain this, Dr. Reynolds? You realize that all university professors are to take an oath to Communism's Glory before their hiring, do you not? If I recall, you took the oath yourself and renewed it for seven consecutive years!"

"This paper was not written by me! I would never soil the name of the great Mao, agrarian reformer of great justice!" Glenn ripped up the paper and stormed back to his office. That was three times he had been nailed by the Alliance.

It was time for revenge.

Evil Glenn had no sooner sat down at his desk when his phone rang. "Yes? What do you mean? OUT OF BUSINESS?! WHO THE SMURF COULD HAVE PUT ME OUT OF BUSINESS! McCain?! How could he stop my penguin porn business?! WHAT?! PANDA PORN?! THAT'S BRILLI-I MEAN, DISGUSTING!"

Evil Glenn slammed the phone down. "Hmm... how can I get into the business of selling Panda Porn? It seems... intriguing... Wait a minute..." He looked at his caller ID

(523)-310-3441: Babaganoosh, T M

"ROAR!" roared Glenn. For the fourth time before 8 AM, he had been pranked upon by Alliance Bloggers. It would not be the last, as he promptly logged onto his computer to blog, but received an e-mail instead touting "Lebanese Protest Goodness!" Naturally following his baser instincts, he clicked on the link.

A windows button appeared on his computer, saying "Check your leftmost file cabinet!" Glenn was puzzled, but once again, he did. As he did, a bucket of excrement fell upon him. He knew somehow that it had something to do with monkeys, and thus SpaceMonkey was implicated. (Didn't I say it was a filthy, filthy, filthy lie?)

It was time for revenge.

Five tricks would have to be repayed. Well, close to it, anyway. He still had that advantage over the Babaganoosh in that he still held his reporter captive (and knew how to use caller ID). He also still held the advantage over SpaceMonkey in that he had murdered more hobos. Glenn locked his office door and went to work.

First was the blog. He set up an April Fools' Template and began giving Insta-Lanches to the Deaniac/Far Left side of the blogosphere, as well as the Uber-Islamist "wing" of the 'sphere (Electronic Intifada received its largest visit total ever), shocking even bloggers not in on the act, like John Hawkins of Right Wing News, who was heard to say "What in the smurf?!" and Michelle Malkin, who was suspended somewhere between meltdown and probably meltdown.

He then hit gold when he visited IMAO. It seems SarahK was to become SarahJ! This was getting to be perfect, but then he found something even moreso, and it became less of an April Fools' prank and more of one of Evil Glenn's evil schemes of pure evil evil! The sight of this picture gave him all the incentive he needed to crash the wedding and then steal Frank's soul! He began to laugh in his own maniacally Heh-ish laughing way. Not surprisingly, this was immediately followed by birds flying away from their perches on trees a la a horror flick. Evil Glenn just continued his laughing. Frank J's soul would be his.

*By the way, congrats to Frank J and SarahK! ^_^

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